The inexplicable, unavoidable

I stand in front of the mirror, combing my hair and thinking of him at the same time. I notice that the two buttons at the top are not buttoned and I blush. What is this feeling Saira ? How can I be shy of him when he isn't here?

I then see the reflections of the bougainvillea blooms at the corner and turn around, startled to find them by the window. Strange they have been there for years and stranger that they surprise me every time. I walk to the window and reach out to pluck one off the branches. But then my arms don't reach the flowers. I can see them and their reflection but I can not touch them. Is this a message Saira? Why have started slipping into such thoughts? 

I pull out the strands of hair from between the teeth of the comb, roll them into a ball, no, in a ring and slip it on my finger. My thick, oiled hair in the shape of a ring around my finger and I am amused as if I have been touched by the finality of an event. Isn't it insane of me Saira? Isn't it crazy the way I think about him? We haven't even stepped into the rain and I am already drenched. I don't even know who is he but I think I have all the answers. Is it love? Oh! You must meet him! I can't tell you his name! We haven't met each other but we meet everyday. I hope you understand...you have withstood my crazy talks for long and I know that you would understand every bit of it.  

Till now we are just strangers. We have just talked for a few times, and a few times we have exchanged a few soft glances. But then do you really need someone close to you all the time to feel close? I don't know but the distance  pushes me close to him.

I don't know Saira, but I am scared. This isn't the first time I have felt this. How am I going to trust this feeling then? I can't let that happen to me again, can I? You were there when it all happened. How could you smile then? How could let me do this to myself? But I shall give myself a chance to explain myself. I am not a kid anymore.  
But yes! It's so true a feeling! I love this feeling! Who cares what it would bring, I will take in what is beautiful, what's worth keeping, what's worth cherishing! Oh Saira! This love...doesn't matter it becomes painful at times but then what about those moments that leave behind a tingle? The feeling of falling in love, in love and the being so close to someone who isn't next to you! This is what love is made of! This is why it is so beautiful. And why not Saira? Love broke my heart once but I know how all it was, how beautiful it was, how it helped me face the sun and the storm, how beautiful it made my nights! Oh Saira, fall in love once! For me, for your friend!