Sunday, May 8, 2011

My Sunshine

Let's go around the world for a change, let's forget everything that happened in my life. Yes, it's more important that you forget everything or you will keep bringing them up. It's your habit. And my face, my eyes, they are too difficult to ignore. Do you see him in them? No, I never mention him, his name, anything about him or of him. But you still have brought him up many a times. Have I asked you to bring him up? Have I?

Silly name, silly guy. The entire world knows of him as Sunshine. Snehu's Sunshine. And now he is gone. Was it me who pulled down the blinds? Yes. I, the arrogant girl, the girl who doesn't want to leave her couch of self-admiration, flattery, the girl who is afraid of guilt and all the pain. "Sneha Balraj is a dark cloud that engulfed Sunshine." I made his life miserable. And now when it's time for me to feel guilty, in a master act, I change my phone number, I don't give him a call. How easily have I wiped him away?

May be it's true when he said that I get over guys like mirrors over reflections.May be. I have always been impressed by charm, true or phony doesn't matter.I have always swooned over long legs, silky hair, and polished accent. This girl, this so called girl has always run after sophistications in life. And now, when she realizes that it was life's forgery, she doesn't have anywhere to go.

Blog? What is it? What the heck is this place? Pour out grief and wait for people to peck at it? Oh! Sympathy gives me relief! People would swoop down on me, pat my back and leave. Leave, just like he did. But I made him leave didn't I? I just made him leave. And he just left. He didn't turn back to ask me if he could drop me home, if Dad was coming to pick me up, if Anjali was home where I could shack up for the night. He just turned his back on me and walked away. I deserved it. I deserved such rudeness.
All these years I leaned on him, my heavy ego and my heavier sack of grief and break-up stories. He carried me all the way long, and not even once I asked him about his half of life. 
And when he screamed at me that day," What do you know about me? Have you even tried?" I had whimpered back," Tum bolte kab ho?"
The idiot, even then, had made me laugh," Tum bolne kab deti ho?"

Girls like me shouldn't get friends like him. And sometimes I think it's for girls like me He creates such friends. Without him I would have lost myself a long way back. He kept me on a love-leash. Can I use "love" here?