The Long wait.

It was raining today. Behind the glass panes of a bakery, this slender girl of 20 something waited for the rain to stop. Or was she really waiting for it stop? Sigh! Love was in the air...Gosh! That's so cliche`! 

But heck~ Love is in the air. But who is he, I don't know! How strange that I feel romantic but I don't have a face to romance with...My diary is filled with mushy confessions about faces, all the charming, young men who can steal any girl's heart but none of them close to mine the way I desired. Yes, they have made this girl clutch her pillows tight and and close her eyes tighter at nights, yes they have sometimes sprung straight out of some line of Norah Robert's novel, forcing me to underline that line again and again with my Bugs Bunny Pencil! But there's something missing in them, something that is necessary for their existence when I move beyond such fantasies. Something...that only a girl knows. She knows when she finds that missing something. But she doesn't know in what package will it come, a skewed smile, a casual wink, a touch, an embrace, a ruffling of hair, I don't know!

So my search is still on. Despite of those two heartbreaks, despite of those few guys who gave me false hopes of turning out to be the perfect one but who ended up being such jerks and gave me quite a funny, ticklish kinda sting to my heart; despite of the loneliness, of all the sobbing and sniffing with Sunshine, despite of mom's scary, now almost an accepted but yet to be proved ranting of "Iss ladki se koi ladka shaadi nain karega!", despite of all the despair, the tears, the buried pain that sometimes explodes from inside and crumbles me like a clay doll, despite of all the cynicism that the world is preaching about love, and despite I being Sneha, I am hopeful! Love will find it's way to me and I have to be ready for it! I can't afford to show him my puffed up lips, my swollen eyes, my sunken cheeks! I have to be pretty and smiling and jolly good! Sneha madam! Tere ko chudail nahin, superhit dikhna hai! Right now,  all this girl misses are two cute dimples on her cheeks! I am jealous of girls who have em!

Pain, it's inevitable. And there's no choice but to face it, to cry, to break under it, to let it coil around you and strangle you till you gasp for breath, and you have to hold yourself when you shiver. There's no escaping the suffering. The one who gets the wounds she alone suffers.  But then,  I won't let it win over me so easily, I won't. I will love and like everyone I too deserve to be loved. And someday I will have it.  I am waiting and I am happy waiting for it. I am happy doing all the calculations, the permutations, the combinations! Hell yaar!

A friend tells me, " You don't know anything about love and it's pain. How can you be so happy after you had a break up? Don't you miss him? Don't you remember the moments?" Well, Sri (Oops! I just took her name! But she doesn't know about my blog! ;-) ) I loved and my heart bled like every heart does. When it ended, i was shattered, i was broken, and oh yes I cried. But I don't know how to express it, I don't how to tell it to world how I suffered. So you would be happy if I tell you that for a week I missed my classes just because I was stoned with grief? Will my confessing that I had to take sleeping pills to sleep assure you that my love was real and not just a fling? But why should I do anything to prove anything to anyone? It was my love! I loved him and I loved him with my life. We separated, I suffered and that's it. I don't need a "Certificate of grief" to quantify my love for him! I LOVED HIM! That is all you should know. I didn't get what I deserved but I am hopeful that someday I will! :)

I am waiting for my time...AND ALL HELL WILL BREAK LOSE WHEN I WILL FIND HIM! 

 :-D

Shall we move on Ladies and Gentlemen?

Psst! They have a racket! An entire freaking racket! All they do the entire week is watch 3 mushy movies where characters cry out in every third minute after the second half ,read 2 mushy chapters from a novel, read 7 posts from each other and voila! I present to thee another rip off about love! I can't help laughing! LOL! Or may be the stuff comes out naturally? :-P
And the pics that are put up! Horrible! But mind you, some great control over language they have and if there's jealousy in this world then it's my face you should see when I read them! But... read on!

 They are each other's followers, they comment on each other's posts and they tag around like crazy! LOL! Some support system there.

Someone writes a real tear jerker and they all rush in for free doses of sympathy and the next day the perpetrator stands up, wipes his tears and says, " I am all right! I am fine! I think "I will live!") and guess what, he acknowledges by writing an even more sobbier stuff and the episode is on a rerun! Sheesh! Dude! Where's your self-esteem! Have you sold it at Palika Bazaar for the price of Lifebuoy Soap? 

And hither lies the epitaph on the poor chum's grave of love where his beloved writeth:-

1. "I understand what you are going through.Almost"

2. I know, I know. I went through the same thing.(Of course!)

3. You almost wrote me out.Yeh to meri kahaani hai re!

4.Some weird philosophy that the writer acknowledges with, " Yes. I understand."

 And the thing goes on for years!Arrrgh!

ROFL!!! :-D

Sigh! Girls, my sweet loving sisters, the confidants of my fantasies, the bearers of my inner self,  my strength to stand against these chauvinists, why do you glorify your misery? Ekta Kapoor isn't our Godmother!  Does love makes someone weak or strong? And about being lonely, it's a choice that you make and if you really love a solitary life then I am not getting this whole publicity thing! But I understand, we all need attention.Even I am a publicity whore at times! I can get down and reach below my sandals for that attention! Can't help it!  ;-) What's wrong with that huh?

Last night I spent an entire hour reading 10 bloggers from a guy's follower's list (Yah! I didn't know even the guys can go so pink with mush!) and OMG! Can there be things so similar! They all write such long posts(some write strategical short ones meant specially for commercial self-promotion because they cramped up with such heavy romanticism that even Cupid would throw up!) that ugh! my eyes! And they all were either about falling out of love or about missing someone or about asking someone to return, or about waiting for someone, or about love being torn apart! What is happening to this country!!! We are humans who discovered the beauty of love for crying out loud! I bet if I read their posts of an year older they would turn out the same! 

"...like love...the time had stopped!". Move on! Shoo! Let me give you a push! Let's write something else! I wish I could have the ability to express in words as you do, then I would have explored everything beautiful in world and shared it with everyone, and that includes love too!

What's the point of writing so much about being a cry baby!!!Gosh! So lamely vela! And guys, stop this nonsense please! Can you at least write something more matured! I mean come on fellas! You are in a college, reading may be Political Science or Physics or Economics or something that needs brains and all you come out in your free time is this?"Break me,shake me, take me!" ?  And don't tell me that it's your sensitive side! Ghalib had one but not you my Facebook hopping, tweeter friendly, chic friendly friend! And i fyou have one why are you robbing the stores off tissue papers? I need them when I get a cold!

I mean being a girl I do find myself swooning over mush once in a while BUT as I said "ONCE IN A FRIGGIN WHILE!" Guys don't disappoint me! I am going to marry one of you one day so puhleaase! Stop writing such rouged stuff! Leave it to us will ya! And girls, don't overdo the self-pity thingy please! We are supposedly strong, uber-hip, gurls of 21st century! Not this crooning over a particular guy for 99 weeks who didn't deserve you anyway or the nth guy you met in a theater or a bus stop or a coffee shop!  

By the way boys, you are smitten by the "I've got the attention of ladies" thing aren't you?Believe me, we aren't so lame! I understand that you were deeply in love with your sweetheart and she royally ditched you and now you need time to recover but dood, you are taking a really long time to come back!  Reality check-You suffer from Attention Deficiency Syndrome and I would love to give my precious attention to someone who deserves it not asks for it! You're not gonna get this girl alright! And girls, "I like guys who cry their eyes red over my shoulder because crying guys are honest", please tell me I am wrong coz I love being rationally sensitive!
And you don't have one, borrow this from me. I have a full set ! :-)